You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
