I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
