end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
