Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
