Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
