you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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