I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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