If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
a search helicopter?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
