So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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