Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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