wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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