then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
