Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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