I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
