my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
