Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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