Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
