He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
