I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
