I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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