wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
