I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
