You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
