I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
