I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
