He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
