Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
