The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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