Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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