I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
