Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
