She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
