too bad you live with your parents still
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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