I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
