So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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