whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Operation Purity has been aborted
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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