dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
