All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The air taste purple.
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