My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
