dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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