If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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