also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
