Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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