How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
