i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
