Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
