Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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