Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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