I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
