If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
